For those who’ve damaged issues off with a narcissist, you most likely know what occurs while you don’t reply to a narcissist textual content.
They could even double down on the poisonous habits simply to punish you for breaking free.
They’ll use texting (and different means) to both provoke you or draw you again in at any time when attainable.
So, it pays to know what to look out for and find out how to reply.
After studying this publish, you’ll additionally know when to not.
Is It Price Replying to a Narcissist?
No matter position they nonetheless play in your life, you’re beneath no obligation to let the narcissist drag you into one pointless, agonizing argument after one other.
Generally, the very best response is none in any respect.
- After they criticize one thing about you or one thing you’ve completed;
- After they use a passive-aggressive dig to get a response from you;
- After they attempt to love-bomb you again into the connection.
That final one is very pernicious. It’s straightforward sufficient to disregard petty barbs and significant feedback.
It’s one other to metal your self in opposition to the narcissist’s makes an attempt at rekindling one thing with you—particularly if a part of you continue to yearns for the nice occasions you had.
We get it. Perhaps, at their greatest, the narcissist was the human incarnation of erotic love and romance. They knew what buttons to push. It’s tempting to allow them to have their means with you from time to time.
Besides now, the price of letting them have their means. And your freedom is value extra to you than a second’s bliss.
That stated, in some conditions, just a few alternative phrases will do you extra good than silence:
- After they disregard your request to do one thing on your (shared) youngsters;
- After they attempt to guilt you into doing one thing that’s not in your greatest pursuits;
- After they textual content you in any respect hours and wish a (temporary) reminder of your waking hours.
If blocking them isn’t an possibility (e.g., you share custody or parenting time together with your youngsters), you possibly can nonetheless make it extra rewarding for the narcissist to respect your boundaries — and fewer rewarding to violate them.
How you can Reply to a Narcissist Textual content: 11 of the Finest Comebacks
So, what’s the easiest way to reply to a narcissist textual content message? By now, you’ve bought some sense of their patterns, and you need to use that to your benefit. Use the guidelines described beneath to information you. And make an observation of those you discover most useful.
1. Determine their purpose for texting you.
The extra conscious you might be of the narcissist’s motives for texting you, the better it’s to know whether or not and find out how to reply.
Get clear on why they’re texting you and what they’re after earlier than deciding if you wish to textual content them again. Use what you’ve discovered out of your time with them.
What are their regular ways to get your consideration? What do they usually need from you? And what has labored for them up to now?
2. Decide whether or not to answer in any respect.
It’s not at all times smart to answer to a narcissist textual content message.
Usually sufficient, responding does extra hurt than good—even should you handle to maintain your cool and deflect their petty arrows. It nonetheless drags you right into a psychological house that’s exhausting and contributes nothing to your well-being or anybody else’s.
At any time when attainable, depart the narcissist to their very own poisonous musings. You’ve bought higher makes use of on your time, vitality, and headspace.
3. After they’re in search of a struggle, don’t interact.
The narcissist could attempt to attract you into an argument utilizing petty criticism, passive-aggressive digs, or blatant insults. Resist the pull.
Except you must reply, ignore their makes an attempt to get your hackles up.
Lock these hackles down. The narcissist isn’t value it. And they’ll do no matter it takes to win an argument or, on the very least, drag you down into their private hellscape. As a result of how dare you may have a great day except they’re those chargeable for it?
4. When vital, reply—don’t react.
The narcissist will undoubtedly keep in mind what’s labored up to now to get a response from you. And generally, silence solely provides gasoline to the fireplace. Or it emboldens them to do worse.
So, if you must reply to their provocative texts, maintain it easy and to the purpose. Don’t react in the way in which they (clearly) count on you to.
Preserve your calm, and allow them to know you’re not the straightforward mark they nonetheless assume you might be.
5. When attainable, persist with “sure” or “no” solutions.
Preserve your reply quick, clear, and concise. Get to the purpose shortly, and don’t let the narcissist drag you down any tangents that don’t have any bearing in your reply.
At any time when attainable, give a easy “sure” or “no” reply and depart it at that. Resist the urge to elaborate or launch right into a tangent of your personal.
That brings us to the following tip.
6. Resist the urge to clarify the whole lot.
No means no. You don’t should justify each sure or no reply. And also you achieve nothing by attempting to make them perceive.
If the narcissist calls for a proof, and they’d solely use it to choose aside or dismiss your reasoning, calmly decline. You’ve given your reply, and whereas they might need a proof, they don’t want one.
Once you let go of your want to clarify your self, they’ve one much less lever to drag.
7. Don’t be fooled by the love bombs.
If love-bombing has labored up to now, the narcissist could attempt it once more to see if they will get what they need from you—or if they will get you again beneath their management.
If they struggle luring you right into a shared recollection of your greatest occasions collectively, calmly resist.
It helps to recollect the moments that led to the break-up and the narcissistic traits which can be nonetheless very a lot behind their habits towards you.
8. Set and implement agency boundaries.
Except there’s an emergency, your ex has no enterprise texting you throughout your sleeping hours or while you’re at work and anticipating a immediate response.
Granted, when youngsters are concerned, and also you’re navigating shared custody or visitation rights, there can be some scheduling changes on either side.
But when your ex is anticipating you to do most (or all) of the adjusting, it’s time to make your boundaries and expectations clearer.
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9. Use the leverage you may have.
Merely asking your ex to choose up considered one of your youngsters or meet you for one thing it’s important to do collectively won’t get the gratifying response you’re hoping for.
If your little one enjoys their time together with your ex, use that. Let the narcissist understand how a lot your little one seems ahead to seeing them. Perhaps you’re not eager in your ex’s firm, however the little one who loves you each actually is.
And which may be simply what the narcissist needs (and even wants) to listen to.
10. Keep optimistic or impartial.
We’re not saying it is best to at all times be optimistic or spin the whole lot into sunshine and rainbows. That’s not real looking, and also you’ll simply find yourself annoying everybody, together with your self.
When positivity feels inauthentic or compelled, neutrality is your only option.
It’s higher to evaluate a state of affairs with “It’s what it’s” than to pressure your self to discover a silver lining when there isn’t one. Generally, the very best you are able to do is acknowledge the reality of the state of affairs and describe it in impartial language.
11. Preserve your feelings shut.
I do know it may be brutally tough to stuff all these feelings into just a little field and reply to your ex as should you’ve flipped a swap and really feel nothing. It’s one thing we regularly want we might do round individuals who harm us. The much less you’re feeling, the much less they will harm you.
However while you’re texting (reasonably than speaking face-to-face), it’s no less than simpler to maintain emotion out of your response. Use that to your benefit.
Now that you understand how to reply to a narcissist textual content message, what ideas stood out for you? Your state of affairs is exclusive, so some factors usually tend to resonate than others.
Nonetheless, you’re not alone in what you’re going by means of or the hoops it’s important to soar to maintain your sanity and to guard any youngsters you would possibly share together with your narcissist ex.
What is going to you do in another way as we speak?